Forgiveness isn't about understanding why it happened and coming to a place of absolute serenity. Forgiveness is about Forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't about the other person. Forgiveness is about you.
This already is one of my profound learnings of 2022, one that has been brewing for many months now.
I have been working deeply with Mother Mary. I normally sit with statements that come through and embrace them but this was more fluid. "Mother Mary, how am I'm going to get this person to wake up and see they are hurting" (inner child hoping that if they are "fixed", I escape having to address my demons!)
Like a flood the dialogue came in.
You cannot awaken anyone (kinda, knew that, but was hoping for an untold secret or strategy 😅), You cannot force anyone to look at their pain, even let alone force them to admit to that or to address the pain that they are carrying, the pain that influenced their behaviour when they interacted with you. Their pain that caused your pain. Your pain is your pain, and only yours to heal, no matter where it stemmed from, your pain is your pain. This is heavy on the Heart chakra. What can you do?
Easy peasy! Forgive! ⛰ (excuse the humour, forgiveness is a serious hike)
This is a lesson, I have been learning for many years.
Stripping off layer by layer, not wanting to see, but moving forward a little bit each time. When you reach the core, this is the most difficult part, almost questioning, but I've been here before? The work is always active, every layer brings you deeper and closer to liberation. Releasing you from any chains of someone else's pull.
I've written about this before, but I am deeply understanding this even more.
Forgiveness is about you. Allowing yourself to forgive another, even if you never understand why or what.
Forgiveness doesn't come from understanding every aspect of pain between two people or a situation.
Forgiveness comes from allowing yourself to accept things that cannot be changed.
Understanding its impact on you, sitting with this, allowing healing and continuing to heal, allowing compassion and understanding of pain in another and gently bringing yourself to a place of releasing pain held within.
Many people who have intentionally or unintentionally inflicted pain upon us, many of them, our dear ones, may never understand their actions, and its not our job to either.
Its not our job to try to get someone to start their healing journey, no matter how much we try or want, its wasted energy and we can only ever be responsible for ourselves.
Forgiveness doesn't mean, ah, at last peace.
Forgiveness is understanding that there is a pain in us but there is also a pain in them too.
It is knowing there will be triggers, setting boundaries required and knowing that when we fall off kilter and feel the bubbles brewing, forgiveness is knowing you can come back into centre and trust yourself within your body.
You are safe within your body.
This might be hard to read, and that's OK.
What is forgiveness for you?